Sometimes…

Sometimes, I experience myself as grumpy. I often forget that I’m just as responsible for that way of being as I am intentional powerful joy.

Sometimes, it takes acknowledging it to really get the impact.

“I’m being grumpy right now. I’m expressing frustration about this situation. I’m also hungry and having trouble keeping myself together while managing you guys. Mommy is having a meltdown.”

Seeing the empathy on a child’s face when you do the thing you’re always telling them to do…It’s humbling. It’s also kinda scary.

But guess what, it is what it is and by owning my own shit they are learning to own theirs.

…Or that I’m an inconsistent crazy person.

Sometimes, I yell. Sometimes, I blame them for my upsets. And sometimes, I take responsibility.

I’m hoping my kids learn that we’re not perfect and that’s ok. I’m hoping that even if they blame others for their emotions sometimes, that taking ownership most of the time gives them power over it.

I have mom guilt and shame and all the other crap that seems to tag-along with the momming gig. I see their little faces look up at me when I’m losing my shit and grasping for peace.

They’re always watching and learning. I’m teaching them something, even the times it’s not what I want them to learn.

I’m learning that I’m the perfect example of imperfection and that’s ok too.

Today, in Costco, I had an experience of myself as grumpy. I didn’t snap, I didn’t yell and I didn’t do anything that needs apologizing for. But I get to say and I get to choose what happens next and that gives me power over the grumpiness…

Just as soon as I eat something and get these tiny humans down for a nap.

#dirtroadhome #momlife #intentionalparenting #beingresponsiblesuckssometimes #justwanttostomp

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