Intention against the longing

He’s learning and I’m savoring.

I watch his movements and the way his lashes flutter when he’s just about to solve a mystery. I watch his dimpled fingers strain to do something new and challenging.

I will my brain to hold on. I command my memory to imprint these moments so I can recall them later. I struggle to crawl out of that space and just be.

Be with the learning. Be with the growing. Just be.

I want to hold on.

I also want to move with them, hold their hands as they grow, watch their eyes change color as the sights of the world impact who why’ll be.

So, I snap a few pictures and set down the phone, I watch and laugh and let the moment pass. The sting of loss fades as the overflow of life and living and joy replace it.

The space of longing is cramped and small. The space of being and growing is so much more welcome.


I catch myself sliding into sadness at the loss of the moments slipping away. Intention pulls me back.

There is no loss.

Just this.

Just right now.

And right now.

And right now.

And now.

This sweet moment is gone. But it’s gone with joy and the next moments came and went as well.

It flows.

Holding on to the banks of the river only serves to drive my head under.

I’m learning. I’m learning from their savoring.


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